My Dad Died
My Dad Died
And my relationship to God is completely changing....
My Dad died five weeks ago.
My Dad was/is the biggest catalyst for my growth in this incarnation, by way of the wounding I inherited from him, AND my choice to heal. I’ve spent the bulk of my adult life waking up to and then healing the various layers of trauma, false-wiring, and false beliefs that were unconsciously passed down to me from birth. It’s been a long ride, but worth every step.
Before my Dad passed, I felt very clean and clear. I’d gone through rage. I moved through forgiveness. I returned to love.
But I couldn’t have predicted this now-moment and the healing I’m experiencing with him on the Other Side (I’m sure he’s lending a hand to this all!) I can’t quite put it into words. There is enormous power in the human form, the thoughts and beliefs we hold, both for ourselves and others. What I’m experiencing is something akin to this; the last threads holding this particular wounding in place, died with my Dad. And for the first time in my life, I’m living unbound.
Everything in my world is shifting as a result. Including, and especially, my relationship to God.
Let me back up, and let you in on what’s happening with me n God, and what started it. 🥰
I have a small facebook group, Julie Day’s Sacred Love Hub (you are welcome to join us… for women only). A few weeks ago we began a 30-day practice of asking a question of God every morning, and channeling an answer back. (Inspired by the luminous Liz Gilbert). The suggested question to ask is, “What would you have me know today?” And it was through this daily question to God, that everything began to shift for me.
Below is what I wrote up to share in the group:
God seems to want me to know love, peace, and relaxation… these are the words I hear again and again.
It’s been 20 years since I started “waking up…” since I started to choose to live this life consciously.
In these 20 years I have woken up to just how much my relationship to my earth father was recreated in my relationship to the outer world, including with/to God the Father.
I was taught a one-way street kind of relationship: I am here to help, to fix, to rescue. I am here to intuit your needs, and to execute them well.
My needs, my desires were nothing burgers. I did not have to push them down, for I was never really shown what they were, or that I could have them.
And so went my relationship with God! How can I be a good girl for God? How can I do the right thing? How can I be what God needs me to be?
Part of why I had an unwavering commitment to morning meditation was that I received clear instruction for the day… so I could get to it with confidence! When I didn’t get to my meditation, I felt lost, in a sea of fog. Where am I supposed to be going? What am I supposed to be doing?
Who was I without this non-stop, one-way street?
Eventually, I woke up to this pattern. I learned my own needs and desires. I used my trembling voice to advocate for them. I stopped really praying to “God” and instead developed a fierce relationship to my Higher Self (how beautiful that my deepest spiritual relationship during this time was to the highest aspect of myself).
I met Marco. A whole new level of this curriculum unfolded. A one-way street relationship was never going to work with this man who wanted me wholly, fully. I was cracked open, I was taught to reveal and not conceal, I was shown the magic, power, and true intimacy of a two-way street. (friends, this was not a pretty little art-class kind of curriculum. Cracking open was, at times, a blood bath. More on that another time ;-).
And so for years now, I have had this beautiful 2-way street with Marco, with my friends, with my family, with my Higher Self…
And then my Dad passes.
Through his passing, a mere 5 weeks ago, God tapped me on the shoulder and revealed that HE (God), too, wanted this deeper 2-way street relationship.
Oh. I said. I didn’t realize we didn’t have one!
And God appeared to me as a friend. As a peer. As a be-love-ed. And he talked to me so authentically, so REAL, and I felt my heart soften and open. Stop talking, he said, stop seeking… let me come to you, let me love you.
Let me love you.
Ah, the journey of the fearful avoidant, who can love so hugely, and yet doesn’t know how to begin to let that love in. Learning to let Marco’s love in was a long, hard slog for me, but I learned it! And now the Big Kahuna, God Itself was knocking at my heart’s door saying, me too! Let me love you, too!
Omg, there’s more?! There’s more love to let in?! (yes, always, my love!)
It’s new. I am only just now touching the edges of this relationship…. But just like the deep intimacy I found with Marco, I am finding a deeper intimacy than I knew possible with God. (I will use HE as that’s how the energy presents itself to me).
He wants me to relax. He wants me to know peace for my days. He wants me to know love… not to give out love, but rather to know it, to feel it, to experience it within me. He wants to know my desires, he wants to meet them, to have me realize and experience them.
He wants me to be me, wholly and fully. And he wants to love me right there.
He tells me the perfection of timing, that everything is in perfect order. That when it is time for me to move, I will be moved. When it is time for me to write, I will be moved to write. Just as the fruit falls off the tree when it is perfectly ripe… there is a timing for all things Julie that is known by God… and he’s on it ;-)
I don’t have to meditate perfectly every morning in order to catch the instructions. God speaks my language, he knows my heart….. he knows what will move me, what will stir me. He’s on it. I can let go of the last vestiges of my one-way street vigil. He’s on it. I can, instead, know relaxation and peace and love. I can, instead, enjoy my days instead of constantly checking in to see if there’s something I’m missing, something I’m supposed to be doing.
Little Julie has finally been released from duty.. and she can now… play??! Holy smokes!
Fuck, ya’ll. I’m almost 49!! I’ve been pursuing God for most of my Life. I’ve had ecstatic experiences out the wazoo. I’ve communed with Angels and Ancestors on the reg. I’ve studied the nature of our Universe and used these teachings to heal and build a beautiful life, and to help others do the same. And, only just now, has enough of the false wiring been cleared for me to feel so acutely, so “OMFG” that GOD is FULLY AND WHOLLY pursuing, holding, and loving ME!
I have loved God, and only now am I letting him love me back.
Yes, thank you, more please 🥰🙏
PS: For those that enjoy my Prayer Trips, I missed the New Moon in Gemini, but I’ll be dropping in with a Full Moon in Sagittarius in a day or so. And with my new romance with God, WATCH OUT! Gonna be some serious LOVE VIBES IN THE ROOM! 😍
I get it !! Thanks.